


The Songbirds Keep Singing

by RogueTwelve



Series: Ever the Same [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Pregnancy, Protective Bellamy Blake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24652081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RogueTwelve/pseuds/RogueTwelve
Summary: Nothing in their lives has ever gone as expected...Bellamy isn't sure why he thought that this would be any different.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, background linctavia
Series: Ever the Same [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724509
Comments: 19
Kudos: 196





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _Sanctuary_ and _We'll Be Alright_. There's a summary of _Sanctuary_ at the beginning of the previous work if you need it. See end of chapter for Trigger Warnings.
> 
>  _'And the songbirds keep singing like they know the score_  
>  _And I love you, I love you, I love you like never before'_  
>  -Songbird by Fleetwood Mac

The bed shifted as Bellamy quietly got up to take a shower. She knew he was doing his best not to disturb her - she hadn’t been able to sleep through the night for the past couple of weeks and even though he knew she was a light sleeper he was still putting in the effort. Unfortunately it didn’t make a difference.

After the bathroom door closed, Clarke moaned, reaching behind her to grab his pillow and pulling it into her chest. She did her best to round out her spine as she hugged the cushion tightly, but it wasn’t helping. She squeezed her eyes closed.

The water turned off, and minutes later she heard the light pad of Bellamy’s footsteps come back into the bedroom as he reached for his wallet on the bedside table.

She rolled partway onto her back, searching him out in the dim early morning light.

He sighed, leaning over the bed to kiss her lightly on the temple. “Go back to sleep babe.”

She shook her head. “My back hurts.”

Without pause, he reached for the bottle of acetaminophen he had started to keep by the bed, and handed her one of the extra strength tablets along with his glass of water. In and of itself, there was nothing particularly concerning about the symptom. She was into her third trimester – back pain was pretty common. She took the painkiller gratefully, then slumped back down into the pillows.

He slid onto the bed behind her, gently turning her shoulders so that she was no longer twisting awkwardly. Reaching under the hem of her t-shirt, his warm hands kneaded into the small of her back. “Close your eyes. It’s alright,” he murmured softly.

She tried to relax – she really did. But something was stopping her. She bit her lip, arguing with herself about whether or not she should say anything. Ever since he’d found out that she was pregnant, Bellamy had been on edge with worry. She didn’t want to bother him just because she felt off.

But she knew that she had to. Keeping secrets had never worked out well for them in the past. She couldn’t bring herself to leave him in the dark.

“Something’s wrong,” her voice was so quiet, she could barely even hear it herself.

His hand stilled. The entire room was eerily silent for a moment.

The bed dipped as he reached toward the table again. “I’ll take the day off.”

She turned over with a wince, taking his cellphone out of his hand even though he was already dialing. “No. Don’t do that.” Bellamy’s eyebrows were creased together with concern. She continued to shake her head. “You can’t skip work just because I have a bad feeling.”

Bellamy stroked her hair away from her face. He sighed, “We both know that this isn’t just a ‘bad feeling’ Clarke. We agreed we’d get through this together. That means I have to make sacrifices sometimes.”

Clarke squirmed. “This isn’t… that. I don’t know. Something just doesn’t feel right. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

He slipped under the covers, pulling her in toward his chest, his hand going back to the small of her back, rubbing soothing circles. His warm breath ruffled her hair as she curled into herself. “Just try to go back to sleep for a little longer,” he whispered to her, settling into the mattress.

She lifted her head. “Bellamy-“

“Shh,” he kissed her ear. “I’ll go in, but I’ve still got some time.”

She wanted to protest some more, but she really was exhausted. The Tylenol was kicking in and he was just so _warm_. It was probably only minutes before she slipped back into a dreamless sleep.

She drifted in and out a few times. She vaguely remembered Bellamy kissing her forehead and telling her that Octavia and Marie were going to come over to spend the day with her. Beau jumped onto the bed almost as soon as Bellamy left for the day, as had become his routine. At some point she was also startled awake by an intense tightening sensation working its way down her abdomen, but it went away quickly and she shrugged it off, pulling her blankets closer.

When the front door opened once again, the dog lifted his head, but didn’t otherwise move, still lounging near Clarke’s feet.

Tiny legs thundered their way up the stairs, giving Clarke just enough warning to brace herself before she was tackled by a tangled mop of dark hair. “Oomph.” She grunted as her body jolted forward. Beau’s tail started to wag.

“Aunty Clarke!” Marie squealed, resting her chin on Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke rolled over toward her back. “Hey Little Bean,” she teased, pinching the girl’s cheek while she giggled.

She pushed herself up until she was half sitting, then stopped. Her back pain had returned with a vengeance. She moaned, letting her head thump back against the headboard.

“Looks like Aunty Clarke was planning on having a lazy day,” Octavia commented from where she was leaning against the doorframe.

Clarke sighed. “Bellamy didn’t need to call you,” she told her sister-in-law quietly.

The other woman shrugged with a small smirk. “It’s Bellamy. He worries.” She walked closer to the bed and swung her daughter over her shoulder. “Besides, this little nugget has been missing her favorite aunt.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I’m her only aunt.”

O chuckled, “Well you’re lucky that the bar is set so low.”

She set the squirming little girl on the floor where she promptly ran off, the dog chasing behind her. ”Get out of bed - Bell left you breakfast.” With that, her best friend left the room to make sure the shrieking toddler on the lower floor didn’t get into too much trouble.

Clarke swung her legs over the side of the mattress then gasped. The tightening feeling was back again. She coached herself to breath through it. It only lasted a minute or so, before she let her shoulders relax.

She shuffled into the bathroom, and splashed some water onto her face, then quickly ran a brush through her hair. Her guests could deal with her in her pajamas. She’d just reached the stage in her pregnancy when it was getting hard to see her feet, and with soreness causing everything above her pelvis to feel like it was seconds away from spasming, she wasn’t sure if she could even bend over to change her pants. She threw on her plushy bathrobe instead.

It took her longer than usual to do the stairs. She had to stop once, part way down, when the cramping feeling hit her once more. She rubbed the side of her belly for a moment, wondering if the baby was kicking something that didn’t want to be kicked. Eventually the sensation went away, and she was able to catch her breath and continue her descent.

Octavia glanced up at her as she entered the kitchen. “You feeling okay? Bellamy was right, you’re looking a little pale.”

Clarke leaned heavily against the counter. “Yeah. I just haven’t been sleeping well on account of having a small bowling ball attached to my midsection. I’m sure I’m fine.”

The brunette gave her a sympathetic wince. “Yeah… the third trimester was rough. But on the bright side you’re almost there.” She slid a plate of pancakes and fruit across the island. How Bellamy had been able to make it while also taking time to lay with her and not being late for his shift, she had no idea.

She nibbled on a strawberry, and her stomach rolled. Taking a deep breath, she tried a small bite of pancake instead. It just made things worse. She put it back down with a groan.

Marie raced forward and latched onto her leg. “Can I have some?”

Clarke smiled down at her niece. “Of course.” She waddled over to the table with her plate and settled Marie into her lap, Beau’s head automatically finding it’s place on her other thigh. The toddler picked away at what she wanted and Clarke leaned back with a sigh, wishing her body would just let her eat. She never seemed to have an appetite.

When Marie had picked every single blueberry off of her plate and done a pretty good job of decimating the bananas, she turned around in Clarke’s arms and ran her sticky hands over her aunt’s bump. “Do we get to meet baby yet?” she asked sweetly, her hazel eyes shinning.

A fresh wave of pain rippled through her core and she grimaced. Breathing through her nose, she tried to count down until it subsided. Feeling a little better, she shook her head. “Not yet Little Bean, but you’ll be one of the first to visit when it’s time.”

Octavia picked her daughter up and gave Clarke a weary look. “Braxton Hicks are hitting you already? No wonder you can’t sleep.”

Clarke nodded. That had to be what was happening, right? It was the only thing that made sense. She stood up on slightly shaky legs to get herself a glass of water then nursed it slowly.

O took Marie into the living room and set her up in front of the TV, occupying her by turning on Paw Patrol and setting out a few toys. She returned, dangling Bananagrams from her hand. “Time to get your mind off of things.”

Clarke sat down at the kitchen table once again and started picking out letters, grateful for the distraction. The strange sensation continued to hit her, seemingly whenever she would least expect it, but she was getting better at hiding it.

After maybe an hour of playing while Marie sat quietly in the next room, Clarke stood up. “I have to pee,” she explained. Octavia rolled her eyes with a smirk but stood as well to go check on her daughter.

Clarke shuffled to the main floor washroom, feeling too drained to tackle the stairs again. After shutting the door, she pulled down her pants – and froze. For a long moment she just stared at the deep red stain in the center of her underwear.

She took a shuddering breath. “O!” she called out, her voice shaking. She was met with silence for the next few agonizing minutes. She tried again, her voice going higher. “Octavia!”

The brunette poked her head through the doorway. “You know I’m used to only having to help my toddler use-“ She paused, seeing her friend half crouched near the toilet with her pants around her knees. “Clarke what’s wrong?” She hurried forward to the blonde’s side.

Clarke looked up at her friend, her vision starting to swim as tears welled up unbidden. “I’m bleeding.”

Octavia looked down then hissed in a breath, helping her pull her pants back up with one hand as she fished for her phone with the other. “Okay, I’ll-“

Clarke doubled over, her hand flying to the counter, as another wave of pain bowled through her – the worst yet.

Octavia reached a hand to Clarke’s stomach, trying to feel what was going on. She frowned. “When was the last time that happened?”

Clarke heaved, her fingernails scrabbling at the countertop as she tried to get her muscles to unclench. “I don’t know, ten minutes ago? Maybe less?”

“Shit,” Octavia swore under her breath. She hooked an arm around Clarke’s waist and draped Clarke’s around her neck, pulling her upright. “Those aren’t Braxton Hicks. You’re in labor. Come on – we’ve got to go.”

“What?!” Clarke asked frantically, her legs refusing to move.

Octavia kept dragging her, nudging the door back open with her foot. “It’s going to be okay,” she muttered, sounding unconvinced. When she caught sight of her daughter, leaning against the dog while watching TV, she called out to her, “Marie Sweetie, go put on your coat for Mommy, it’s time to go.”

The toddler’s face instantly reddened. “You promised we could hang out with Aunty Clarke.”

Octavia groaned, not having the time or patience to deal with a tantrum from her usually mild-mannered child. “I know I did. But Aunty is really sick and I need to take her to see a doctor. Coat. Now.”

The little girl let out a wail, but did as her mother asked through her tears. Beau seemed to sense the shift in the room and started pacing nervously.

Clarke was still shaking her head. “I can’t be in labor, it’s way too early.”

Octavia pursed her lips, shoving a pair of shoes at her friend before yanking her own on and helping her daughter. “Let’s just get to the hospital and see what they say, okay?

Clarke was starting to hyperventilate. Octavia hooked her by the elbow, then swept Marie up and ushered them both out of the house. Beau whined sharply as the door slammed shut. O just kept on marching them straight to her car. She opened the passenger door for Clarke, then set about strapping a flailing Marie into her car seat.

The moment she sat down, Clarke was hit by another contraction. She struggled not to scream. “O…” Her hand clenched on the door handle until her knuckles were bone white.

Octavia jogged to her side of the car and got it started, turning the vehicle around quickly and accelerating down the quiet lane. “I’m taking you to Princess Anne… it’ll probably take a few extra minutes to get there but…” she bit her lip as if hesitating to say more.

Clarke looked over sharply. “What?” she managed to grit out through the pain.

Octavia tensed, continuing to look straight ahead through the windshield. “They have a NICU.”

A fresh wave of panic ripped through Clarke. She scrambled for Octavia’s purse. She hadn’t had time to grab her phone before they’d left the house, but O had to have hers. “I need to call Bellamy,” she gasped.

Octavia grabbed the bag away without taking her eyes away from the road. “No. No way. You’ll give him a heart attack when he hears the way you’re freaking out right now and Marie screaming in the background. I’ll call him when we get there, okay?”

She tossed the bag behind the console, and latched onto Clarke’s wrist instead. “I need you to try to calm down Clarke. Take some deep breaths.”

The blonde did her best, counting through her inhales and exhales the way she’d been taught in therapy what seemed like ages ago. The world was a blur as it blew past the windows. All she could concentrate on was the wild pounding of her heart against her ribcage, and every minute sensation in her lower half. Her mind latched onto each twinge and flutter as if it might be some sort of clue as to what was going on in her body.

Octavia shifted in her seat. “It’s going to be okay,” she tried to assure Clarke again. “They can use drugs to postpone your labor. We’ll just get you to the doctor and they’ll take care of everything.”

Clarke nodded slightly, her hand rubbing absently at the side of her belly, nails digging into the door handle every time a new painful wave hit.

Finding parking was a nightmare. Octavia cursed repeatedly and tried to drop her off at the emergency room doors, but Clarke didn’t trust her ability to get to where she needed to be on her own without collapsing. Her legs were shaking and she couldn’t make herself concentrate on anything else. Octavia relented, finally spying a space near the back of the lot.

Hurrying from the vehicle, she tossed her still wailing toddler over her shoulder, then hoisted Clarke out of her seat. Clarke wobbled, resting more weight than she’d intended to on her friend. Another contraction caused her to stumble and she let out a low sob.

Octavia somehow managed to juggle her phone to her ear as they were staggering their way to the glass doors. “Harper, hey. I hate to bother you, but if it’s at all possible I really need you to take Marie for a few hours.” She was quiet for a moment, then her shoulders seemed to loosen a fraction. “Thank you so much, you’re a godsend. If you could pick her up? We’re at Princess Anne’s.” Another pause. “No, Lincoln and I are alright – it’s Clarke.” This time when Octavia stopped, Clarke could hear Harper’s voice rising even above the cacophony around them. “I don’t know,” Octavia cut in hurriedly. “Just get here.”

O hung up, then pulled up short when she saw the length of the line for the triage desk. She cursed again before pulling them to its end. Clarke kept quiet, not wanting to add to her friend’s stress, even though she was feeling terrified.

Octavia put her daughter down then squatted down to her level. “You’re going to spend the rest of the day with Harper and Jordan okay? And if you’re good you might even get to see Monty.”

“You said we’d hang out with Aunty Clarke!” Marie’s tantrum worsened as she stomped her foot and let out a piercing screech. Octavia sighed, then took a deep breath and stood back up, hugging the girl to her leg with one hand. She brought her phone back to her ear and frowned a moment later when the person she’d been calling didn’t pick up.

Clarke’s focus drifted, taking in the rest of the waiting room. It seemed to be a pretty busy day, and the line wasn’t moving.

Octavia began jabbing angrily at her phone screen. “Come _on_. One of you answer your fucking phone-“

Clarke’s belly seemed to clench yet again, but this time it was accompanied by a rush of warm liquid down her pant leg. She blushed furiously, realizing that she’d never actually gone to the bathroom earlier. She grabbed onto Octavia’s arm, wobbling slightly. “O, I think I just-“ Octavia’s green eyes flashed down, then widened almost comically as she took in the mess.

Marie screamed again, and finally Octavia seemed to just snap. “ _Jesus. Can we get some goddamn help over here?!_ ” She yelled, the rest of the room going silent.

Several heads turned in their direction, giving them disapproving glares that Clarke barely even noticed over the pain of another contraction. She hunched over, breathing hard with her hands braced on her knees.

A stern looking older woman wearing scrubs approached them. “Ma’am I’m going to have to ask you to calm down, or else I’ll be forced to call-“

“No,” Octavia shook her head angrily. “You listen to me. My sister-in-law is 32 weeks pregnant. She’s been experiencing contractions for the last couple hours and her water just broke. She needs to see a doctor. _Right now_.”

The woman eyed Clarke warily. “You should have called an ambulance.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “She lives out of town. This _should_ have been faster.”

The woman huffed, but signaled over an orderly with a wheelchair. Octavia helped Clarke to sit down, then gave her shoulder a firm squeeze. “I have to wait for Harper – she should be here in like 5 minutes. I’ll come back as soon as I can okay?”

Before Clarke even had a chance to respond, she was being wheeled into the emergency department. She was handed off to a younger, kinder looking nurse who gave her a small reassuring smile and helped her up onto a cot.

“My name is Bree. We’re going to get you up to labor and delivery as soon as we can okay? We just need to get some information first. May I ask your name?”

Clarke’s mind reeled. _Labor and delivery?_ She still hadn’t even come to terms with the fact that things were really happening. And Octavia had said they could use drugs to make it stop. Surely she could just stay in the emergency department.

The nurse was still looking at her expectantly. It took her a moment to remember what she’d been asked. “Clarke,” she was finally able to stammer. “Clarke Blake.”

“Okay Ms. Blake, I need you to take everything off and put on this gown. Do you need my help?”

Clarke shook her head slowly. “No… I think I can do it.”

Bree gave her another small smile, “Alright then, just shout if you need anything.” She closed the privacy curtain.

Clarke sat for a moment, just focusing on forcing herself to breath. Isolated behind the partition, she suddenly felt so alone. She wished Bellamy was there with her – that she hadn’t pushed him to go to work that morning. He could help her to be strong. A single tear leaked from the corner of her eye and ambled it’s way down her cheek.

Another contraction, this one more brief, coursed down the length of her abdomen, reminding her that for the time being she was going to have to find her own strength somewhere. She shrugged out of the housecoat and the pajama shirt she was still wearing and replaced them with the stiff fabric of the paper-thin hospital gown. Lastly she peeled down her pants and underwear. The red stain had grown, leaking down onto her thighs. Clarke’s hands began to shake violently as she stared. She tried to think frantically to when was the last time she’d felt the baby move, but couldn’t come up with an answer. The harsh whistle of her own breathing echoed in her ears.

“Ms. Blake are you ready?” The nurse asked politely. When she didn’t receive an answer, she poked her head through the curtain. Seeing her patient’s panicked state, she hurried to Clarke’s side. Her brow creased as she took in the soiled clothing, and she hastily pried it from Clarke’s hands. “I know this is scary, but I need you to stay as calm as you can, okay? Deep breaths.”

She discarded the clothes, then pulled the sheets up over Clarke’s legs. The nurse was incredibly efficient, clipping a pulse oximeter to her finger, and starting an IV so quickly that Clarke barely even had time to flinch. Bree frowned briefly at the scars on Clarke’s arms, but didn’t comment, instead turning to a cart she’d brought with her and pulling out a familiar looking sensor attached to a narrow black belt. She hiked Clarke’s gown up over the swell of her bump then attached the device over her middle. “This is a fetal monitor,” she explained, plugging it in. She glanced over her shoulder where a new number appeared next to Clarke’s vitals. She grinned. “Baby’s heartbeat looks strong.”

Clarke deflated a little. That was good. She managed to squeeze in a couple more deep breaths before she was once again gripped with pain. Bree offered her a gloved hand. “Squeeze as hard as you need.”

Clarke nodded gratefully, hunching over and feeling clammy sweat break out across her back. When it was over, Bree helped her lean back against the pillows where she sagged with relief. “I’ll be right back,” the nurse assured her quickly, before disappearing through the curtain once again.

Clarke wasn’t sure what to do with herself. Her hands caressed her stomach unconsciously as she watched the readout on the monitor fluctuate. Bree truly didn’t take very long, coming back within a few minutes to put the railings on the sides of her bed up and unlock the brake. She explained what was happening as she pushed Clarke out of the busy ER. “They’re ready for you upstairs. Our on-call OB will meet you up there. She’ll assess the situation, then we can talk about a plan from there.”

Octavia turned into the hallway just as they were going past. Her shoulders sagged in relief as soon as her eyes caught on Clarke. ”Oh thank god. Sorry I took so long, they had me fill out a whole bunch of paperwork.”

Bree stopped, walking around the edge of the bed to stand between O and her patient. “I’m sorry ma’am, but you’re going to have to wait in the waiting room.”

Clarke’s brow creased in confusion that was mirrored on Octavia’s face. “It’s fine. I’m her sister-in-law,” the raven-haired girl protested disbelievingly.

The nurse stood firm. “Hospital policy ma’am. For patient safety –“

Octavia looked past the blonde woman, her eyes locking in on Clarke’s exposed arms. “Jesus, is this about the scars? Obviously none of those are new. You can check back through her chart - it should all be in there – as long as you’re okay with the massive HIPA violation. Those weren’t from an abusive relationship or anything like that. She’s safe.”

Bree still hesitated.

A particularly strong contraction hit Clarke like a sack of hammers, causing her to let out a harsh yelp. “O-“ she moaned, reaching for her best friend’s hand.

Octavia sidestepped the nurse and was at Clarke’s side in an instant, using her free hand to comb her sweaty hair back from her forehead. “Shh, it’s okay, just breathe.”

Clarke did her best to do just that. Bree seemed to have given in, as the bed started rolling again, Octavia keeping pace at her side.

“Bellamy?” Clarke asked shakily once she’d caught her breath.

Octavia shook her head with a frown. “Neither he or Lincoln are answering their phones. They must be out on a call. But I’ll keep trying.”

Clarke bit her lip. All she wanted was her husband at her side. A few more tears escaped. Octavia gave her hand a light squeeze.

They arrived at a private room on the second floor. A tall, shrewd looking woman was waiting there for them. She extended a hand to Clarke. “My name is Dr. Ash. I’ll be working with you today,” she said, all business. “Now why don’t we have a look at what’s going on?”

She began palpating Clarke’s abdomen right away, nodding to an ultrasound tech as he wheeled his cart into the room and started setting up. “How far apart are her contractions?” the doctor asked Bree over her shoulder.

The nurse was writing something down in Clarke’s chart. “About 5 minutes.”

The doctor nodded. She gave Octavia a pointed look, but the raven-haired girl planted herself on the edge of the mattress, making it obvious she wasn’t going anywhere. Dr. Ash raised an eyebrow, but didn’t push. “Clarke I need you to put your feet flat on the mattress okay? I need to check if you’re dilated.”

Clarke tensed, but slowly slid her legs up into position. She would have felt so much better if she were with her regular OB – they’d had some tough conversations about what exactly she was comfortable with. But beggars couldn’t be choosers. She tried not to flinch as the doctor pulled the sheet out of the way and checked between her legs. Dr. Ash made no comment as she straightened up and re-covered her patient, making room for the ultrasound tech to do his job.

Clarke’s eyes were glued to the monitor as the blurry sonogram came to life. To her, it looked the same as all of the previous ones she’d had, which she hoped was a good thing. The doctor asked for a couple of other angles, then clicked her tongue, walking towards the door.

The tech cleaned up the gel on her stomach, apologizing when Clarke nearly convulsed with another contraction. He put his equipment away, then went just outside of the room where he conferred with the other two medical professionals.

Octavia was still stroking her hair. “You’re okay,” she kept murmuring softly, her eyes continually darting to her phone where it rested on the blanket by her knee.

“I want Bellamy,” Clarke couldn’t help but sob, now that they were alone.

Octavia looked truly sympathetic as she placed a gentle kiss to Clarke’s hairline. “I know you do. And I know he’ll be here as soon as he can. Until then, you’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere even if they try to drag me out.”

Dr. Ash strode back into the room, her lab coat swishing behind her. “Clarke, we’re going to have to try to turn the baby. She’s not facing the right direction for a natural birth and I’d like to try to avoid a C-section.”

Most of what had just been said went straight over Clarke’s head. “No,” she stammered. “No, no, no, no, no. You need to stop the labor. The baby isn’t ready yet. It needs more time.”

Octavia squeezed her hand again, her eyes giving a panicked flash.

“Clarke,” Dr. Ash’s expression was all business, leaving no room for argument. “Your labor is progressing extremely quickly, we don’t have time to argue about this. Listen to me: you’re having this baby today - there is no other option.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Premature birth and all of the stress that comes along with that. Clarke and Bellamy are still struggling with their mental health.
> 
> Disclaimer - The little bit that I know about babies and giving birth comes from my best friend's kids - all of whom were overdue. I tried to do as much research as I could but if there are inaccuracies please forgive me.
> 
> This guy somehow ended up being over 12000 words, so I broke it up into two chapters. You'll get the second one from Bellamy's point of view (including meeting their daughter and a bit of an explanation of what happened) next week.
> 
> Thank you for continuing this journey with me. As always letting me know your thoughts by leaving a comment or sending kudos is greatly appreciated. All the best to my lovely readers ❤️


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The same trigger warnings and disclaimer from the previous chapter apply

“When are people going to learn? You should handle sex the same way you approach an accident scene. Step 1: check for hazards.” Titus drawled, shaking his head.

Bellamy couldn’t help but smirk. They’d just come back from a call. Neighbors had been worried when they heard screams coming from the house next door. Turns out the middle-aged couple living in the small bungalow had been looking to spice things up and gotten a little randy in the kitchen – only for the wife to fall into the sink… and get stuck.

Diyoza piped up. “Can you imagine having to explain that one to the neighbors? ‘Oh, thanks Helen for calling 911. Oh yeah, everything is fine. What happened? Well…’”

Bellamy grabbed the towel that he usually kept in his locker and used it to pat some of the sweat from his hairline. It wasn’t a particularly warm spring day, but when you had enough people packed into a small kitchen things tended to heat up quickly.

“At least no one was hurt,” Riley chimed in. And Bellamy was grateful for that fact as well. It had taken them the better part of a couple of hours to basically dismantle the counter and take apart the sink. The fact that they’d been able to just go back to the firehouse afterward with minimal paperwork had been welcome news.

Leaning in to put his towel back, his eye caught on Lincoln standing in front of his own locker, the subtle tightening around the medic's eyes a clear sign to his best friend that something was causing him distress. Bellamy hadn’t seen that look on his face since the week they’d found out that Miller was gone and Clarke had-

He shut that thought down immediately.

“Everything okay?” he asked quietly, afraid of the answer.

Link startled slightly as if just remembering where he was. His eyes snapped to Bellamy’s with an intensity that he hadn’t seen in a long time. “Have you checked your phone?”

His skin prickled as the little hairs on the back of his neck began to stand on end. As if by instinct, his hand started to search the bottom of his locker, looking for the small device.

Lincoln’s next words froze him to the core. ”Clarke’s having the baby.”

The room almost seemed to waver as his eyes struggled to focus. After a moment, his brain finally decided to kick in and he realized he hadn’t taken a breath in nearly a minute. He gasped almost frantically. “That’s really not funny Link.”

The medic was already reaching into his cubby to put his jacket back on. “Then it’s a good thing I’m not joking. Grab your stuff.”

He became vaguely aware that the rest of the locker room had gone silent, all of the lighthearted banter having abruptly died. Bellamy just continued to stare, unable to coordinate his limbs into any sort of movement.

“She isn’t due until June. It’s barely even April. She can’t have the baby yet,” he stuttered out. Lincoln grabbed his wallet and his phone for him then gripped him tightly around the elbow, forcibly dragging him toward the door. Bellamy’s feet started moving in some form of sluggish imitation of a walk.

Diyoza had run out ahead of them having obviously overheard. She poked her head into Sinclair’s office without knocking. “Chief, Blake’s wife is in labor,” she informed their commanding officer hurriedly.

The older man stood up from his desk abruptly, looking slightly taken aback, but quickly taking control of the situation. “Take the ambo. Tell Nyko he has permission to use lights and sirens. I’ll handle the paperwork.”

By that point, Diyoza had latched onto his other arm. With their combined strength, she and Lincoln were able to muscle him across the floor of the apparatus bay and into the open back of the ambulance. They sat him down on one of the side benches and he caught a glimpse of Nyko darting past to get behind the wheel. “Princess Anne’s,” Lincoln called out. His partner held up a hand in acknowledgement.

“The whole firehouse is with you and Clarke, Bellamy. Tell us if there’s anything you need.” Chief Sinclair informed him as he gave Diyoza a hand down. The older man then closed the doors and signaled Nyko to drive.

Bellamy barely even felt the lurch as the ambulance started moving. The blare of the siren echoed in his head.

“She wasn’t feeling well this morning,” the words slipped out, his voice barely above a whisper.

Lincoln put a hand on his shoulder. “I know.”

“She wasn’t feeling well and I should have stayed home,” he repeated himself as if his friend hadn’t spoken.

Lincoln’s hand squeezed. “There’s no way that you could have predicted that this would happen.”

Bellamy just shook his head miserably.

“She’s in good hands Bellamy. Octavia got her to Princess Anne’s and that’s the best place she could be right now. It’ll be okay – they’ll _both_ be okay.”

“You don’t know that. There’s no way that you could possibly know that. God – why does everything always have to go wrong? Why couldn’t just this _one thing_ go right?”

Lincoln grabbed his other shoulder so that they were squared off to each other and gave him a stern look. “Listen to me. Believe me - as a father I understand how terrified you are right now. But Clarke is probably scared shitless. You need to pull it together and be strong for her, okay?”

That sobered him a little. He nodded, rubbing at his chin anxiously.

They rolled up outside of the emergency room entrance, and Nyko rushed around the rig to let them out. He gave Bellamy a reassuring pat on the back as he passed, but said nothing.

Bellamy hurried into the building at a jog, Lincoln hot on his heels. The ER was an absolute zoo. There was no way they could wait in the line for the triage desk just to ask for information. Luckily, Link seemed to recognize a nurse that was passing through, and got her attention. She escorted them up to labor and delivery and pointed them toward the nurse that was currently attending the desk.

Always the one to keep a cooler head, Lincoln handled the situation, introducing Bellamy, and asking where they could find Clarke. The young woman typed at her computer for a moment before looking back at them. “It appears that there was some bleeding. The doctors are working on getting it under control right now.”

Bellamy felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Bleeding?” he asked quietly.

The nurse gave him a small reassuring smile. “It’s not uncommon and I’m sure that there’s nothing to worry about. I can let you know as soon as she’s ready to have visitors. In the meantime, I can take you to see your daughter in the NICU – I’m sure she’d love to meet you.”

Bellamy stammered for a moment. “My – I have a…? She already-“

The nurse clicked something and nodded with a wide grin. “3 pounds 2 ounces, and 15 inches long. Congratulations Dad.”

He swayed slightly. Lincoln caught him around the shoulders and gave them a firm squeeze.

The nurse grabbed her keys and stood up. “Follow me.”

Everything was starting to finally hit him. He shook his head hurriedly. “No. I can’t see her I-… I’ve been at work … I’ve been at fires and accident scenes. I’m dirty. I’ll make her sick.”

The nurse glanced over him and gave him an understanding look. “There’s a staff shower you can use, and I’ll find you a change of clothes.” She started leading him down the hallway. He followed her as if he was in a trance.

Lincoln bumped him with his shoulder. “Take a deep breath.”

Bellamy swallowed thickly. “We’re not ready for this. We were supposed to have 2 more months. I’ve barely even started setting up the nursery-“

Lincoln raised an eyebrow. “How about right now you just focus on seeing your wife and daughter, okay? Everything else can wait.”

The nurse had stopped, using her hip to keep a door open, while handing him a neatly folded pair of scrubs. Lincoln reached out to give his shoulder one last squeeze. “I’m going to try to find Octavia. Just try to keep breathing - you’ve got this.”

He might have nodded. He was so out of it that he wasn’t really sure. He took the clothes with a muttered thanks then stumbled into the small locker room, heading directly to the shower stalls tucked into the back corner. He peeled off his uniform and turned the water on hot, hoping it would have the dual benefit of killing some germs and clearing his head.

Squirting some soap from the dispenser into his palm, he got to work. After a moment he frowned. Before that moment he’d never really realized just how _filthy_ his job made him. There was grime crusted under his nails and soot caked into his skin. He began scrubbing furiously, terrified that he would miss something and unintentionally make the baby sick. By the time he turned the shower off, every inch of his skin was red and raw and yet he still felt unsure.

He toweled off with shaking hands, then put on the scrubs. They were too tight in the shoulders and the pants felt like they might fall off of his hips, but they were still better than what he’d had on before. He stuffed his soiled outfit into the bag he’d been provided then washed his hands again just in case.

Leaving the locker room, he found that the nurse wasn’t waiting for him. He supposed that that only made sense – she had a job to do. He shuffled back towards the desk she’d been working from before.

She looked up at him as he approached and gave him a warm smile. “Feeling better?”

Scratching the back of his neck he gave a barely perceptible shrug. If anything, he actually felt more nervous, now that reality had had a chance to set in.

She grabbed her keys once again and motioned him toward a different hallway. With each step it felt like his heart rate ratcheted up even higher. His hands fidgeted at his sides. “Are you sure we shouldn’t wait for my wife? I feel like she should be here.”

The nurse paused with her hand on the handle to the NICU. She turned back to face him. “We can absolutely wait if that’s what you want. But this is crucial bonding time. Your daughter was just born, and she hasn’t had any human contact aside from the doctors and nurses who assisted in her birth. She needs to experience a loving touch.”

Guilt washed through his system at the thought of his little girl being alone and confused – he hated the very idea of it. He shifted his weight, feeling torn, but in the end there was only one real choice. “You’ll let me know as soon as I can see Clarke?” he asked a little desperately.

The woman gave him a soft smile. “Of course.” She pulled the door open and led him to a small, dimly lit room. His eyes immediately latched onto the incubator situated in one corner. He couldn’t see much from the doorway, just heard the quiet hiss of the oxygen and the gentle beeping of the monitors. His throat tightened as he hesitated to go any closer.

The nurse didn’t seem to have any of the same reservations. She walked right over to the bassinet. “She’s precious,” she commented, her smile broadening. She looked back at him and lifted an eyebrow expectantly.

He swallowed thickly, trying to push down his rising panic. It took way more effort than it should have to convince his legs to move, but somehow he ended up at the woman’s side, peering down through the clear plastic shield.

His heart dropped. His daughter was so _small_. She looked like she was being nearly swallowed by her miniature diaper and the tiny pink cap on her head. Beyond that, there were so many wires and tubes attached to every part of her, he could barely even see her features. He didn’t understand how so many machines could be connected to such a little person, and he found himself terrified that if just one of those sensors was jostled the wrong way, things would go horribly wrong.

He was rattled from his thoughts by the nurse’s voice. “Hey there sweetheart,” she was talking in a soothing tone as she rearranged all of the feeds. “Your daddy is here. He wants to meet you.” She looked back at him with a smile. Then her eyes seemed to zero in on his shaking hands, and her expression faltered. “I’m so sorry Mr. Blake. I didn’t mean to make you feel pressured. You don’t need to hold her yet if you’re uncomfortable.”

He balled his hands into fists, trying to steady them. “No,” he let out a heavy breath trying to release some of his tension. “I can do this… I _need_ to do this,” he added under his breath.

The nurse’s lips twitched back up. “You don’t need to be nervous – I’ll walk you through it.”

Bellamy nodded gratefully, then awaited further instructions.

“This may sound a little odd, but skin-to-skin contact has been shown to help alleviate stress and ease pain in premature infants. We call it kangaroo care.”

Bellamy’s brow furrowed. “She’s in pain?”

The nurse was quick to shake her head. “That isn’t what I meant to imply.” She went back to checking that all of the lines were secure. “But if you’re comfortable with it, you could remove your-“

Bellamy had his shirt off before she could even finish her sentence, folding it and laying it over the arm of the chair. It had only been minutes but he’d already do anything for his little girl.

The nurse looked up at the rustling sound and a deep flush crept up her neck. She averted her eyes. “You can use the blanket on the back of the chair. Wrap it around your shoulders and I’ll get your daughter ready.”

He did as he was told.

The nurse turned around slowly, cradling the tiny body in her arms, then helped the two of them settle in, placing his hands so that he was holding his baby securely. “Make sure you keep her neck supported,” she reminded him. “And try not to move around too much. Preemies get over-stimulated easily.” She grasped the edges of the blanket, and swaddled his daughter closer to his chest. Reaching for a small buzzer, she draped it close to one of his hands. “Don’t hesitate to use the call button if she starts to fuss or you get uncomfortable.”

He felt his heart rate quicken a little bit as soon as she stepped away, knowing he held a tiny life in his hands. But after a few calming breaths he was able to marginally relax.

The nurse gave him one last smile from the doorway. “Fatherhood looks good on you Mr. Blake.” She scribbled something down on a sheet by the door. “I’ve got to get back to my desk. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything about your wife.”

He started to nod, then stopped – afraid of jostling his daughter too much. He needn’t have worried. The nurse hadn’t been waiting for a reply – she simply walked off without a glance back.

Bellamy sat stock still for a few minutes, not really sure what to do and feeling more than a little overwhelmed. It seemed like he had _just_ been in the firehouse in the middle of a normal day – and then everything had been irreversibly changed in an instant. It felt like his brain was still struggling to catch up. He hadn’t even really had a chance to think about how Clarke was doing – and now the more time he had to dwell upon it, the more time there was for panic to set in. He should have demanded to see her - or at least gotten a better update on her condition. She had to be feeling just as scared and confused as he was in that moment – probably more. And then there was the fact that the nurse had mentioned that she’d been bleeding – she could be going through serious complications and he’d have no idea. His chest tightened even more.

A tiny little grunt caused his gaze to flicker down. The bundle in his arms squirmed ever so slightly, his little girl blinking her eyes lazily before they closed once again.

He melted.

That was all it took for his world to make an almost dizzying shift. Clarke couldn’t be his only priority anymore. He now had two girls at the center of his world.

As much as it pained him, worrying about Clarke would have to wait.

He let out a long exhale then examined the baby cradled within his embrace more closely.

He still couldn’t get over just how _small_ she was. He’d held Marie the day she was born – his daughter felt like she was maybe half of his niece’s size. Which made sense if he thought about the weight numbers he’d been told upon arrival. Still – it was hard to fathom. He felt like he could almost fully hold her within one of his large hands and that was terrifying. How could someone so little possibly grow into a full-blown human being?

His daughter nuzzled her tiny cheek closer into his chest in a motion that was so Clarke-like that he felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes.

He smoothed a hand over her back. “Hey baby girl,” he whispered softly to her. “We just met, but I already love you so much. And your mom-“ he had to swallow before he could go on. “I know your mom loves you too. She’d do anything for you. You’re so lucky – your mom is one of the most amazing people in the world. I can’t wait for you to meet her properly.”

He used his unoccupied shoulder to try to wipe at his cheek, then pressed his lips gently against her little cap. His breath hitched again, so he took a few deep breaths, getting a little lost in the new-baby scent.

A light tap on the door shifted his attention.

Lincoln slipped into the room, still in the process of securing a yellow isolation gown over his uniform. After making sure the door closed as quietly as possible, the medic approached slowly.

When he got close to the chair, he crouched down, peering over Bellamy’s shoulder. “She’s beautiful,” his best friend commented, his voice sounding a little awed. “She has Clarke’s nose,” he added after a moment. Bellamy could hear his grin.

He shifted a little uncomfortably, uncertainty once again making its presence known. “How can you tell? There are so many tubes and wires attached to her I can barely even see her face.”

Lincoln’s hand went to his free shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “It doesn’t take up half of her face, therefore it’s not yours,” he responded cheekily.

Bellamy shot him a glare, but it had been the right thing to say. He felt himself relax a little bit, finally leaning into the chair back. “Any news on Clarke?” he asked, still keeping his voice hushed.

Lincoln shook his head. “Octavia’s waiting to be able to get back in to see her. She said the doctors all seemed calm though.”

Bellamy didn’t find that as reassuring as it was meant to be. In the real world, doctors always seemed calm.

Lincoln tilted his head. “How about your little angel? How’s she holding up?”

His mind went blank for a moment. Then it started to race. He hadn’t even asked. _How could he not have asked_?

He’d been a father for a matter of hours and he was already failing. Suddenly his heart was back to stuttering and his chest was tightening, refusing to let in any air.

Lincoln’s grip on his arm intensified. “Breathe Bellamy.” He shifted over so that he could get a better look at the monitors. “All of her vitals look good…?”

“I didn’t ask if there was anything wrong Link,” he admitted in a wheeze.

The medic straightened from his squat but still stayed close. “They’re letting you hold her. That’s a really good sign.”

The band constricting his chest released the tiniest amount. The medic’s words made sense. But there was more to it than that. “She can’t be just fine. If she was fine she wouldn’t have an oxygen line… or any of this other stuff.”

Lincoln nodded. “32 weeks is moderately premature Bellamy. She won’t have been fully developed – but she’s far enough along that she has something like a 99% chance of survival if I remember correctly. Don’t panic. I’m sure a neonatologist will be around soon to tell you exactly how she’s doing.”

“How can I not panic? I’m her dad! I’m already screwing all of this up.”

Lincoln’s expression morphed into an amused grin and if Bellamy hadn’t been holding an infant he would have been tempted to deck him. “One thing that nobody ever seems to tell you is how much of being a new parent is just running around like a chicken with its head cut off, having no idea what you’re doing. We all make mistakes. You have no idea how much of a mess I was the first few weeks after Marie was born.”

Bellamy just kept shaking his head. “No. This is different. I told you we weren’t ready. What if we can’t do this? What if-“

Lincoln moved in front of him, taking a firm grip of each of his biceps and forcibly meeting his eyes. “Things are under control Bellamy. Kane’s at your place right now working on building the crib and setting up the rest of the nursery. Roan is set to join him as soon as he’s done work. O already ordered some NICU approved preemie onesies from somewhere–“ his lips twitched in a small smirk, “She even managed to find one with horses on it. They should get here sometime within the next couple of days. Harper is going to bring some stuff for you guys when she drops off Marie in a couple of hours. And if all of that wasn’t enough, Clarke is going to be okay and you have a beautiful baby girl sleeping in your arms. I’d say all of that is a pretty good reason not to panic.”

Bellamy’s mouth opened and closed a few times, at a loss for words. “How-?”

Lincoln smiled softly. “It takes a village. And the two of you have a pretty damn good one at your backs.”

Bellamy felt a flush warm his skin. He blinked a few times, a fresh wave of moisture gathering behind his eyelids. “I don’t know how to-“

Lincoln just shook his head, one corner of his lips curving upward. “Don’t. All you need to worry about is your wife and your little girl, okay?”

Bellamy looked back down at the slumbering infant and felt his heart give another little tug. “Thank you,” he whispered softly.

Lincoln stood up once again and stretched out his back for a moment. “Are you going to be okay for a bit? I want to check on Octavia again. All of this stress isn’t good for the-“ he cut himself off abruptly.

For all of the things that had flown straight over Bellamy’s head for the last couple of hours, his brain finally seemed to be working. He caught on to where Lincoln’s statement had been going right away. “Octavia’s pregnant again?” he asked, unable to hide his disbelief.

Lincoln scratched the back of his neck, ducking his head sheepishly. ”We just found out last week. Octavia wasn’t planning on saying anything until Clarke had her baby. She didn’t want to feel like she was stealing the spotlight.”

Bellamy raised an eyebrow. “Well at least you didn’t let her down on that one,” he commented drily. “I didn’t know you guys were even trying.”

Lincoln shifted his weight from foot to foot uncomfortably for a moment. “We have been for a while. Things haven’t been easy, especially with O’s anxiety. That’s why we’ve been keeping it quiet. You guys are lucky though – part of what helps her cope is to have a meticulous plan for every eventuality. She just went over every possible outcome when it comes to pregnancy again. It’s why she knew to get Clarke to Princess Anne’s”

Bellamy felt his eyes widen slightly. “But she’s okay?” he tried to confirm.

Lincoln laughed lightly. “She’s only about 6 weeks along, but yeah so far so good.”

Letting out a long exhale, Bellamy held his own daughter a little closer. “Congratulations Lincoln. I’m really happy for you guys.”

His friend’s expression was bright as he gave his head a little shake. “You too… Dad.”

Bellamy’s face split into a wide grin. “Looking at the two of us who would have thought, huh?”

Lincoln chuckled softly. “Yeah well, domestic life is better than they make it out to be.”

Glancing down at his baby girl once again, he couldn’t agree more.

After Lincoln left, he took the time to just quietly bond with his daughter. It wasn’t too long until the nurse came back, taking her from his arms and placing her back into the incubator, telling him to take a break. He longed to tell her that he didn’t need it, but didn’t dare. The breather was probably just as much for the baby as it was for him.

The nurse still didn’t have any sort of update for him, either about Clarke or more details on his daughter’s condition. He felt his shoulders tense.

Left alone again, he pulled his chair closer to the bassinet and slipped a finger into his girl’s tiny fist. He stayed like that for hours, his silent vigil only interrupted when a nurse would poke their head in to check the baby’s vitals.

The more time that passed with no news, the more his body seemed to fill with dread. He wished he had his phone with him, but he’d left it with the rest of his things. He didn’t have much of a choice but to just wait, but it was killing him.

The original nurse came back and asked if he wanted to hold his baby again. What he really wanted to do was demand some answers. But she still didn’t know anything, and as the tiny bundle was placed back into his arms he forced himself to calm down.

About 20 minutes later there was another light tap at the door. He looked up sharply intending to send the next nurse to bring him someone who could actually give him some information. Instead he was greeted by another familiar face.

Jackson poked his head into the room. He took in Bellamy with a soft smile, then opened the door a little wider. “I may have preformed a bit of a jail break,” the surgeon informed him guiltily.

Bellamy barely had time to raise an eyebrow before Jackson was backing a wheelchair into the room.

“Clarke,” Bellamy’s breath left him in a whoosh and he instantly made to stand up. At the lightest tug from his daughter’s leads, he immediately flopped back down.

Instead, he had to satisfy himself by just looking her over, trying to examine every minute detail, rather than instantly being at her side.

Clarke was the palest he’d ever seen her – which was saying a lot. She looked absolutely exhausted. He noted the IV pole attached to the back of her chair, leading down to a line in the back of her hand. “Are you alright?” he asked weakly. “No one could tell me anything.”

His wife grimaced slightly. “I told them not to.” He couldn’t help but be a little bit taken aback by that, flinching slightly. Clarke was quick to continue to explain. “I knew you’d come to me and I didn’t want her to be alone.”

His chest tightened. Though he understood why she’d done it, it still didn’t sit well with him. It was something they were going to need to talk about, but it could wait.

Jackson stepped in closer. “You think you can let go of this little beauty long enough for her to meet her mom?”

Bellamy was quick to nod.

The neurosurgeon moved with a careful efficiency, once again rearranging all of their baby’s equipment and helping Clarke to lower one side of her hospital gown, before transferring the snoozing infant over.

Clarke’s hands were hesitant at first, but within moments she was embracing her daughter closer, pressing her cheek against the top of her little pink cap.

Bellamy stood, slipping his borrowed scrub shirt back on. As he passed, he reached out to run a hand over Clarke’s shoulder before he nodded Jackson over toward the doorway. “How is she really?” he inquired soberly, keeping his voice low.

His friend sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “She lost a lot of blood. They’ve transfused two units already. Technically she really shouldn’t be out of bed but I knew that she needed to see both of you and this was just the easiest way to make that happen.” He shifted his feet. “I’m going to need to sneak her back to her room before the next time a nurse goes in to check on her. The three of you should have a little over half an hour. But don’t worry about taking this time Bellamy – she’s strong and she’s doing okay.” He reached forward and gave Bellamy’s forearm a firm squeeze. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

Bellamy processed that as he watched Jackson’s white coat disappear down the hallway. He then slowly turned around.

The sight in front of him melted his heart. He crossed the room in a few easy strides, then leaned over the back of Clarke’s chair, wrapping one arm around her middle while using the other to cradle her head into the crook of his neck. He buried his nose into his wife’s hair and pressed his lips against her scalp. For the first time since he’d been at the firehouse, he felt like he could take a full breath. He held her a little tighter.

Clarke shuddered in his grip.

Pulling back slightly, he took in the tears rapidly gathering along her eyelashes and the slight tremble of her lower lip. “I’m so sorry,” she gasped, her voice sounding raspy.

His brow wrinkled as he massaged his fingers along the side of her head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

She shook her head and closed her eyes as she began to cry in earnest. “They warned me that I wasn’t gaining enough weight… but I was _trying_. I didn’t say anything because I was too embarrassed - but I should have told you.”

Bellamy’s heart gave a lurching thud. She’d gone in for something called a ‘non-stress test’ about two weeks earlier. He’d meant to be there, but the appointment had been switched at the last minute to a time that he’d been on shift and he hadn’t been able to make it work. The whole thing had come about in the first place because there were concerns that Clarke’s low weight gain meant that the baby hadn’t been growing enough. “You said that the test results were good.”

She nodded with a quiet sniffle. “They were. But they still told me that I needed to try harder.”

He felt a brief surge of anger towards whoever had said that to her gnawing at the base of his skull. Clarke’s weight had been an issue for a long time – long before this pregnancy. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t put on more than a few pounds. The running theory was that it was her body’s reaction to the trauma she’d been through and there wasn’t really anything that she could do about it. “It’s not your fault,” he reminded her firmly.

Her azure eyes were piercing. “How is it not my fault Bellamy? I couldn’t even keep our daughter safe inside of me long enough for her to finish growing. I… I knew that I wasn’t fit- I knew I shouldn’t…” Clarke’s face reddened. Their baby began to stir in her arms, picking up on her mother’s distress.

Bellamy placed a hand firmly against her cheek. “Shh… Hey, look at me.” When her eyes finally fluttered up to his, he tried to give her a reassuring smile. “Our daughter is here and she’s beautiful. You did so good Clarke,” He tilted his head forward, leaning his forehead against hers.

She pulled in a shuddering breath. “Is she even okay?”

He swallowed thickly, wishing he had answers. “I-“

They were interrupted by the door opening and an older woman striding purposefully into the room, chart in hand. She raised an eyebrow when she registered Clarke’s presence, and Bellamy felt himself subtly stiffen.

“Mr. and Mrs. Blake, my name is Dr. Cartwig and I’ll be the neonatologist in charge of your daughter’s care throughout her stay in the NICU,” she informed them stiffly. “I was able to examine her and run some tests shortly after she was born. As you can see, we are currently using a CPAP machine in order to assist her breathing-“

He could feel Clarke sinking lower into her chair as her shoulders drew closer together. Hurriedly pressing a kiss to her hairline, Bellamy straightened up. “Doc, can I talk to you outside?” he asked a little irritably. The last thing they needed in that moment was for Clarke to beat herself up even more.

The doctor frowned at him, but nodded, stepping into the hallway. “I’ll be right back,” he assured his wife quietly. She bit into her lower lip, freeing a hand to wipe underneath her eye.

He didn’t want to leave – not when it seemed like she’d just gotten there and he knew they had a limited amount of time before she’d be taken back to her room – but he forced his legs to take him out into the hall.

Once the door had clicked shut, he took a deep breath then met the doctor’s eyes.

She still looked incredibly disapproving. “Mr. Blake, I think it’s really unwise for you to keep your wife in the dark about your daughter’s condition.”

He shook his head, trying not to let his own frustration show. “Believe me, I’m not. But she’s had a really hard day and she’s been through more than you could imagine. She doesn’t need to hear the details right now. When you come back tomorrow, you can tell her whatever you need to.”

The woman pursed her lips, still looking unhappy.

Getting off on the wrong foot with his newborn’s specialist really didn’t seem like a great idea. He took a measured breath, attempting to center himself, then tried to get things back on track. “You said that she needs help breathing? Is there something wrong with her lungs?” He was already having trouble comprehending just that first bit of information. He was well aware that Clarke had chronic respiratory issues, but as far as he knew it shouldn’t have been hereditary – it’d been caused by the pneumonia she’d suffered through for months.

Dr. Cartwig relented. “As you know, your daughter was born approximately 8 weeks early. The lungs are the last organ to mature – usually around 36 weeks. We’ve already started her on a course of steroids to help speed up the process, but she’ll need the assistance of a CPAP until she can reliably breathe on her own.”

Bellamy did his best to absorb that. He wished that Lincoln had come back. He would have been able to sort through all of the medical jargon and explain things to him in a way that he could better understand. Unfortunately, for the time being he’d just have to take in what he could. He leaned back against the doorframe, pressing his skull against the cool metal with his arms crossed over his chest. “How is she otherwise?”

The doctor flipped through her notes. “She’s quite small – even for her gestational age. That could potentially cause some problems down the road. But developmentally everything seems to be on track and remarkably we haven’t detected any other abnormalities as of yet. We’ll continue to monitor your daughter closely, but everything that we’ve found so far is extremely manageable.”

The world dipped for a moment as a tremendous amount of relief swept through his body. The bridge of his nose stung sharply. He swallowed thickly. “How long do you think she’ll have to stay here?”

The doctor gave a slight shrug with one shoulder. “It’s hard to say. We usually set a goal to have each baby home by what was their originally expected due date, but it could be sooner. What we’re looking for is she has to be able to breathe, feed, and regulate her temperature on her own before she can ‘graduate’.”

Bellamy nodded. That seemed fair. And he appreciated having measurable outcomes to achieve. It somehow made everything so much easier to swallow.

“Honestly Mr. Blake, my biggest concern right now is making sure that your daughter gets enough nutrients to thrive. I don’t want to jump the gun, but considering what I’ve seen so far, I find it unlikely that your wife will be able to produce enough milk to sustain your baby. There are other possibilities in terms of formula… but human milk is always the best option, especially for preemies. You might want to start researching how to receive donations from a milk bank.”

He felt his forehead wrinkle. Bringing up one hand, he smoothed his thumb and forefinger over his brow, suddenly even more glad that they were having this discussion away from Clarke. He’d never even heard of a milk bank before, but he would definitely look into it if it meant keeping both of his girls healthy. “Is there anything else?”

The doctor shook her head. “I know that that was a lot to take in. If you come up with any questions, you can have a nurse page me. If not – I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of each other in the coming weeks.” She reached out toward him and he shook her hand. “I can assure you Mr. Blake, your baby is in good hands.”

After she left him there, he took a few more minutes just to process everything. At the end of the day, the good news seemed to outweigh the bad and he was more than eager to hang onto that positivity.

Light footsteps at the other end of the hall caused him to look up, and his eyes caught on a clock on the wall, reminding him that their time was limited. Without a second thought, he slipped back into the private room.

Clarke looked up at him immediately, her fearful gaze probing him with a never-ending sea of unspoken questions.

He reminded himself again that everything could wait. He hadn’t had a chance yet to just bask in the fact that they now had a family of 3 without his anxiety rearing its ugly head and weighing him down. He knew that Clarke was in the same boat. The opportunity had finally come and he vowed to himself that they would use this time to revel in every moment of it.

He strode across the room then knelt down before her, leaning in to lay his head against her slightly deflated abdomen and bringing up a hand to rest over both of hers protectively. “She’s perfect Clarke,” his whisper was reverent. Lifting his head to meet her sapphire eyes, he added in a slightly choked voice, “We have a baby girl.”

He could feel her exhale. A tiny, timid smile started to turn the corners of her lips up. Apparently she was willing to allow his joy to be contagious. “We do, don’t we?”

Bellamy sat up a little taller and captured her lips, letting all of the passion that was burning through him pour out. It didn’t take long for Clarke to become breathless, and he pulled back slightly, brushing a light kiss to their sleeping baby’s cheek as he went.

“She’s going to be okay?” Clarke was quick to try to confirm, before he could distract her again.

Bellamy grinned back at her. “She’s going to be more than okay - she’s going to be the most loved baby anyone has ever seen.”

Clarke permitted herself a slight eye roll at his cheesiness. She briefly looked like she was going to continue to push him until he gave her a more solid answer, but ultimately she let it go.

Relieved, Bellamy hooked one of the plastic chairs near the door with his foot and dragged it over. It wouldn’t be as comfortable, but he wanted to be as close to Clarke as physically possible. Without moving his hand, he knelt on the seat, and threaded his other arm around her shoulders. Hooking his chin on her shoulder, he watched two sets of tiny eyelashes flutter ever so slightly. Only a few hours old and their daughter was already mesmerizing.

“Holding her…” Clarke’s quiet voice broke through his haze of happiness. “It just feels so right.”

Warmth bloomed in the center of his chest before starting to diffuse its way outwards. He placed a quick kiss on her temple again before turning back to the little face that had no trouble stealing all of his attention. “I wish I would have been here.”

Clarke leaned into him. “I know you would have been if you’d known.” A quick glance confirmed for him that there was no resentment or hurt in her eyes. “You just… you make me feel strong and I could have used that,” she continued softly.

“You’re _so_ strong Clarke,” he reminded her resolutely. “Everything you’ve done – everything you’ve been through… the fact that we’re _both here_ holding a baby in our arms. All of that is a testament to how brave and just downright amazing you are.”

She sent him a little watery grin. “I’ve had help.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And you’re always going to have it.”

She seemed content with that. Resting a little further back in her chair her eyelids started to droop down. He nuzzled against her ear. A light twitch under his hand alerted him to the fact that his daughter was waking up, just as her mother was starting to give into the pull of sleep. Something occurred to him.

“You know – as adorable as ‘Baby Blake’ sounds, it’d look kind of weird on the birth certificate.” His hint was nowhere near subtle.

They’d never actually talked about names. There’d been so much stress involved for both of them that outside of Clarke’s many appointments, he’d tried to keep talking about the pregnancy to a minimum. And he’d thought they’d still had time.

Clarke blinked her eyes back open and shifted her gaze over to him a little expectantly.

He sighed. “I’d thought maybe we could do some kind of a tribute to Nate and Wells if it was a boy… I hadn’t come up with any ideas for a girl yet,” he admitted a little sheepishly.

She ducked her gaze, running the back of one finger along their daughter’s tiny cheek. “This may sound dumb, but I want to believe we’ve finally found our peace and… I thought maybe ‘Serenity’ sounded really pretty.”

He couldn’t help the little smirk that pulled at his lips. He had a feeling that they might regret that name when she eventually grew into her lungs, but it was beautiful - just like both of the girls he held in his arms. “That’s perfect,” he mumbled softly, leaning his head against hers.

He could feel the heat of Clarke’s blush against his cheek. “And maybe ‘Aurora’ for a middle name,” she suggested shyly.

He pulled back a little bit with his brow furrowed. “That was my-“

She released the lip she’d been biting into. “I know.”

His heart swelled as tears pricked at his eyes. He didn’t know how he could possibly love someone more. He took a shuddering breath that he tried unsuccessfully to cover up with a tight laugh. “The goddess of the dawn,” he mused. “It’s fitting.”

She nudged his cheek with her nose playfully. “Had to get your nerdiness in there somewhere,” she quipped.

He felt his smile grow. Shifting his hand to cradle the back of the little girl’s head, he leaned forward to once again brush a kiss to her warm cheek. “Welcome to the world Serenity Aurora Blake. We couldn’t be more excited to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an early Father's Day gift, I give you Bellamy becoming a dad 😊
> 
> I still have a couple of oneshots half-written... a fluffier one of Bellamy freaking out and Clarke being a badass mom when Serenity is a kid, and one of them struggling to deal with an independent teenager who doesn't always think before she acts.
> 
> Let me know if you guys are still interested, or if there's something else you want to see. Also let me know what you thought of this story. It always brightens my day when I get notifications about comments or kudos. You guys are the best, happy reading!


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